Wanted to pass along a moving personal account of what's going on in NYC from a friend of mine. It was sent in to a web site my high school graduating class put up over the last year. Bianca is a filmmaker, funny, dear, and very heartfelt.

Robin

Ever since Tuesday I have wanted to be downtown at Ground Zero doing something. I wish I knew how to weld or drive a big rig. Really. I've felt pulled down there, as if being close to it will help make sense of it or peace with it. Tonight they finally lifted the "barricade" below 14th street. We'd been told there it was in lockdown. Turns out that was yet more misinformation. Too bad-- because I wish I could have done what I did tonight three days ago... which was go to the places that mean a lot to me and do something to take back my city. It was an amazing experience. So pardon my coffee jagginess..here we go.

I came out of the 14th street subway station into the lights of a block long row of TV cameras camped opposite St. Vincent's hospital. The number of missing persons posters covering every square inch is numbing. Seeing the new view from my old hood took my breath away. All that's left down there and lit up is That Cloud.

The first time I really lost it in the past few days was on Sixth avenue, waiting to meet a friend. F16's overhead since Bush was still in the Zone, all this equipment rumbling by-- cranes, lights, machinery. A group of 15 National Guard camouflaged folks walked by silently. All of this and the sight of them here, heading downtown in my home just made me lose it on the street.

I walked across 6th Ave and Houston to Ladder 5. I knew some firefighters there and had made a short movie with them called "I Love The Firemen". They are missing many men. I felt that was the right spot to light my candle at 7pm. I didn't see anyone with any candles.

I felt this flash of being an oddball--am I the only one who got that "Light A Candle at 7PM Friday" email? That passed in 3 seconds--like who gives a rat's ass ya know? That's one good thing about these days--so much one was concerned with before just doesn't matter. I AM an oddball, dammit. Kiss me.

Then others just started showing up in front of ladder 5 and on the corner of Bedord.

Out came all these candles. It was an absolutely beautiful sight. Little kids with candles protected with "It's Our Pleasure to Serve You" cups. Flags stuck in many creative crevices --butt pocket crossovers, into hair buns, knapsacks, double earlobe stylee. A people wall of every color, age and origin-- the Mexican busboys from Blue Ribbon, French waiters, tourists from all over, village eccentrics with the macrame dresses. Some folks started singing sang God Bless America -- honestly, I felt myself tense up a bit. Maybe it was the omnipresent F16s above us. But they sang it so quietly,softly and peacefully, it made me wonder why we don't always sing it that way-- it's a way better song when it's not belted Ethel Merman style. People lingered for nearly an hour. It was like we all really needed to be out on our streets again, around each other and not isolated with our TV's anymore. And really look at each other. That's something that has changed at least for now here-- people are truly LOOKING at one another. And they're NOT tourists!

I walked through the Village, candles everywhere in hands, on stoops with neighbors, in windows and shops. It gave the streets this eerily safe glow. Went to St Vincent's and asked if I could volunteer. They, like so many other places in NYC are turning away volunteers. Not about to haul my ass up to the Javits Volunteer center to be turned away again. So I walk to the Salvation Army on 14th street.

Oh my god.

An entire half block bewteen 7th ave & 6th ave looks like the IKEA warehouse. Trailers full of food , drinks, supplies being turned away because there is too much and no more room. 12 foot high stacks of water 12 deep on the sidewalk. A city being built up of donated everything.

But there's that damn sign again--NO VOLUNTEERS-- TOO MANY. COME BACK TUESDAY. If there's one thing I learned from my southern Italian mother--it's "Ignore All Signs". Ok, two things-- "Don't Ask Questions Just Go Ahead". (PS-- all that is GREAT advice if you ever visit Naples).

So I kinda just hung out. Checked out what everybody was doing. Then I infiltrated.(That's the upside of my "downsize"-- I can sneak in more efficiently). Grabbed two gallons of water from the street, brought it inside. Someone hands me snacks to bring out to the truck. Then it's just a blur of boxes and boxes, squealing packing tape, 100's of sandwiches being made, more food dropped off by people from 100 miles around, dustmasks flying, trucks rolling to Ground Zero with new supplies, people RUNNING up and down the block with handtrucks and dollys -- Folks totally kicking and hauling ass . THE definition of a New York Minute. It felt like a race -- how fast could we get these things to where they are needed. Complete cooperation,absolute determination, totally focused on DO DO DO. Not one bit of bullshit or whining. People of all ages from everywhere from every background. People hitchhiked to be there to make coffee, put on hardhats and donate their welding chops.

I stayed there 12 hours and came home with the sun rise. I have not felt this good in days.

One of the people who outlasted my hours was a 72 year young woman from Peru --in her barefeet and shorter than me, she hefted 20 pound boxes of snacks across the room like a 20 year old while yelling for the next box already, where is it? She wore my ass out.

(Pardon all my ass references...I've been hanging with Steel workers and Welders all night).

It was completely intoxicating. An absolute thrill to be there working with them. And above all-- it felt like a total privileged to be take part in this, to be allowed to DO something.

To get coffee for a beyond tired iron worker returning from Ground Zero with that drained, devastated look. To sit with him, tell him a dirty joke, remind him and myself again of laughter and feeling human after they've witnessed such dehumanization. I am completely humbled and so overwhelmed seeing just how much good people are capable of two miles from the flip side. My only bummer tonight was they wouldn't let me drive the tractor trailer. I tried flirting. Didn't work :)

I highly recommend doing this to anyone who is thinking about it or so inclined. Infiltrate. Where ever you are... NY, DC, whatever. Don't get dismayed or turned away. There is so much disorganization everywhere and there is a real need for volunteers and will be for weeks to come. Just go where you can, pick up a jug of water of whatever needs to be done. It will give you a new perspective, energy and hope. If you're going to 14th street , bring a mini flashlight, a sharpie, gloves and wear crappy clothes. Ya gonna get dirty, and you are going to love every minute of it.

Ok, now I'm gonna get my ass some sleep.

Love all your asses.
b